Late girl update

 I am running a little behind schedule. I have traveled more during the past 40 days then I have in a long time. Because of that there were a few that I wasnt able to do yet. The ones I have done have really made an impact in my life and in my heart, so much so that I am committing to finish the whole list, even if takes more than the 40 days of Lent. I think its more important that I do these things with a prayerful heart, instead of rushed just to get it done.

A few of the ones that I have done recently that really affected my heart were:

9. Bring someone a souvener
I went to Las Vegas earlier in the week. I brought back my son a snow globe from the M&M world, and a friend a pin for his motorcycle vest from the Harley Davidson store. Its a cool thing to let people know that you are thinking about them, even if you are far away.

25. Write a letter to a child who could use some extra attention
Some friends of ours have a daughter that had an outpaitent surgery a few weeks ago. Little Ant and I brought her some flowers, cookies, and a card.
This little girl doesnt really need extra attention, as she has great parents who give her all she needs. But we love them and wanted to give her more attention than we have recently. Little wrote the card, and this is what he said:

29. Have a mother/son camp out in the living room.
This was one of the things that you do because you love your child, and are willing to be uncomfortable for a night so they can be happy.
We made pizza, and watched Wreck it Ralph. I love being with Little, and laughing with him. He is a good kid, and I am blessed that I get to be his mom.

 

 

1. Admit I was wrong, and apologize to someone I have hurt.
2. Make a gift for someone I appreciate.
3. Donate blood.
4. Remind my husband how much I love him.
5. Spend the whole evening playing with my son.
6. Write a letter to someone who has made a difference in my life.
7. Pick up trash.
8. Be a friend who listens.
9. Bring someone a souvenir.
10. Thank my parents.
11. Be generous with my compliments.
12. Bake for my co-workers.
13. Write a thank you note.
14. Play a game with my son.
15. Be grateful.
16. Paint a picture, and give it away.
17. Make kindness bookmarks.
18. Make a special desert for firefighters.
19. Go on an early morning hike with my son.
20. Plant a garden with my family.
21. Send a care package.
22. Call someone just to say “I love you”.
23. Reach out to someone I haven’t talked to in a while.
24. Babysit for free.
25. Write a letter to a child who could use some extra attention.
26. Let others go first all day long.
27. Ask someone “How are you really doing” and then genuinely listen.
28. Call or write a teacher who changed my life.
29. Have a mother/son camp out in the living room.
30. Let Little Anthony plan meals for the week.
31. Wash my husband’s car.
32. Write a friend and list all the reasons why you love them.
33. Send an anonymous positive note.
34. Say something nice to EVERYONE I see today.
35. Make cookies for my daughters day care providers.
36. Make a craft and thank you note for my son’s teacher.
37. Donate pet food to an animal shelter.
38. Encourage someone in a public setting.
39. Call the manager of my favorite local coffee shop and tell them how much I appreciate their employees.
40. Bring donuts and a thank you note for nurses in labor and delivery. (Do this on Leilah’s first birthday)

Four for Five

It’s been 5 days since my last post.

Here are the things I’ve done since then:

19. Go on an early morning hike with my son.
Last Saturday Anthony and I went on a hike up South Mountain in Phoenix. We left the house at about 6:30 am, and if you know me, then you know that fact in itself is a pretty big sacrifice. I hate mornings, genuinely and with my whole heart. But we went, and it took us about 2 hours total. I wouldn’t trade that time for anything. We talked about Jesus, and the sunrise, and every piece of animal poo we saw along the way. We encouraged each other when it got kinda tough, and helped each other up when we fell (which we both did).
That little boy is a joy to my heart.

8. Be a friend who listens.
I had dinner with a new friend tonight. She shared with me things about her work, her passions, and the opportunities that The Lord has given her to serve. I was blessed to listen.

14. Play a game with my son.
Last night Anthony and I played Phase 10 dice with Little Ant after dinner. I lost.
It’s a fun thing being able to do that now that he is old enough to understand how to play. But I need to work on being patient with him. I want him to have it all together all at once, and that’s just not a far expectation of anyone. It was a good reminder for me to slow down, let him be a kid, and help him along the way.

21. Send a care package.
I have a friend who had surgery last week. I made her a care package of things to make the time a little sweeter. Things like snacks, fun hot drinks, a magazine, nail polish, and some flowers. More than anything, I wanted to show her that she is important, and has people who love her. Especially because I am not always the greatest at showing people how much I care for them.

 

I am short one.  I will double up soon.

Thanks for listening.

 

 

1. Admit I was wrong, and apologize to someone I have hurt.
2. Make a gift for someone I appreciate.
3. Donate blood.
4. Remind my husband how much I love him.
5. Spend the whole evening playing with my son.
6. Write a letter to someone who has made a difference in my life.
7. Pick up trash.
8. Be a friend who listens.
9. Bring someone a souvenir.
10. Thank my parents.
11. Be generous with my compliments.
12. Bake for my co-workers.
13. Write a thank you note.
14. Play a game with my son.
15. Be grateful.
16. Paint a picture, and give it away.
17. Make kindness bookmarks.
18. Make a special desert for firefighters.
19. Go on an early morning hike with my son.
20. Plant a garden with my family.
21. Send a care package.
22. Call someone just to say “I love you”.
23. Reach out to someone I haven’t talked to in a while.
24. Babysit for free.
25. Write a letter to a child who could use some extra attention.
26. Let others go first all day long.
27. Ask someone “How are you really doing” and then genuinely listen.
28. Call or write a teacher who changed my life.
29. Have a mother/son camp out in the living room.
30. Let Little Anthony plan meals for the week.
31. Wash my husband’s car.
32. Write a friend and list all the reasons why you love them.
33. Send an anonymous positive note.
34. Say something nice to EVERYONE I see today.
35. Make cookies for my daughters day care providers.
36. Make a craft and thank you note for my son’s teacher.
37. Donate pet food to an animal shelter.
38. Encourage someone in a public setting.
39. Call the manager of my favorite local coffee shop and tell them how much I appreciate their employees.
40. Bring donuts and a thank you note for nurses in labor and delivery. (Do this on Leilah’s first birthday)

Lent: Days one and Two

Day One:

So the first day of Lent started out as a bit of a fail. I started my 40 things with the second item on the list (Remember I stated the caveat that I could jump around if I wanted to?) I picked the second one because the first item was probably the most challenging on the list…. So in good form, I decided to put it off.
I made a craft that involved chalkboard paint and a glass vase. I was so happy with how it turned out, until I started writing on the chalkboard paint. Come to find out glass and chalkboard paint to not mix. It all scrapes off straight away. So that was a fail.

I took that as a sign that maybe God wanted me to the first and most difficult item on the list. Admit I was wrong, and apologize to someone I have hurt. I wasn’t really looking forward to doing this.
But I am glad I did. I am thankful for the reconciled relationships in my life, and for the grace given by others. For those who have seen me at my worst, forgiven me- and loved me anyway, I am abundantly thankful for you. You have shown me Jesus.

Day Two:

It is Valentine’s day, so I pick number 4: Remind my husband how much I love him.
Even though (if I can be honest) I think that Valentine’s day is SUPER LAME and is a ploy for us to spend money on things that matter not on the people who matter most to make up for the rest of the year when we haven’t shown them how much we love them and how important they are in our lives. But that is neither here nor there, and I am going to get all mushy-mush anyway.

I profess my undying love for my best friend, my confidant, my partner in ministry, and aside from aside from Jesus- the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I do not deserve to have a man of your caliber in my life, but I am thankful for it, and will do all I can to never take it for granted.

I will do everything in my power to be the kind of woman that you deserve to have by your side. I will love you with my whole heart until Jesus takes me home. Everything I have is yours, now and forever.

Thanks for being smoking hot, my best friend, the one who makes me laugh until I pee, and the best father our children could hope for.

If I may be so bold, I feel like what we have is what The Lord intended for a husband and wife to be. Imperfect people, perfectly loving and supporting one another on the journey.

I adore you Anthony Barnes.

1. Admit I was wrong, and apologize to someone I have hurt.
2. Make a gift for someone I appreciate.
3. Donate blood.
4. Remind my husband how much I love him.
5. Spend the whole evening playing with my son.
6. Write a letter to someone who has made a difference in my life.
7. Pick up trash.
8. Be a friend who listens.
9. Bring someone a souvenir.
10. Thank my parents.
11. Be generous with my compliments.
12. Bake for my co-workers.
13. Write a thank you note.
14. Play a game with my son.
15. Be grateful.
16. Paint a picture, and give it away.
17. Make kindness bookmarks.
18. Make a special desert for firefighters.
19. Go on an early morning hike with my son.
20. Plant a garden with my family.
21. Send a care package.
22. Call someone just to say “I love you”.
23. Reach out to someone I haven’t talked to in a while.
24. Babysit for free.
25. Write a letter to a child who could use some extra attention.
26. Let others go first all day long.
27. Ask someone “How are you really doing” and then genuinely listen.
28. Call or write a teacher who changed my life.
29. Have a mother/son camp out in the living room.
30. Let Little Anthony plan meals for the week.
31. Wash my husband’s car.
32. Write a friend and list all the reasons why you love them.
33. Send an anonymous positive note.
34. Say something nice to EVERYONE I see today.
35. Make cookies for my daughters day care providers.
36. Make a craft and thank you note for my son’s teacher.
37. Donate pet food to an animal shelter.
38. Encourage someone in a public setting.
39. Call the manager of my favorite local coffee shop and tell them how much I appreciate their employees.
40. Bring donuts and a thank you note for nurses in labor and delivery. (Do this on Leilah’s first birthday)

The New Lent

In the past I haven’t been a huge supporter of Lent. At first I thought it might just be because I am not Catholic. However, now that I have given more thought to the Lenten season, I have a different reason for my apathy. 

It seems as if (very generally speaking) that ‘Christians’ often value abstention over things like grace, mercy, holiness, gentleness, kindness…. And other defining aspects of what sets us (or should set us) apart as a people.
Some people seem to believe the things we don’t do (drinking, smoking, giving up chocolate or Facebook, eating meat accept on Fridays- which I will NEVER understand) are the things that help us understand Christ sacrifice, and make us more like him.
I strongly disagree with this type of thinking. The things that help us understand the mind of Christ are things that don’t center around us, but things that are about service to others, and putting ourselves last.

So, this year for Lent I won’t be picking one specific thing to give up. Instead I have compiled a list of 40 things that I will do (one a day, or maybe more.. who knows) to refocus my mind on Christ, and His love for a hurting and broken world. I could also use a reminder about how fulfilling it can be to put others before yourself, and share joy with all who God puts in our lives.

The list is below, and I will do my best to regularly blog about this experience. I probably won’t write about every experience, as some might be too personal. And if they involve others I would hate for them to think that I was doing this so I could use them as a blog topic.

Also, there is a good chance that I will not be able to do these in the order that they are written. I reserve the right to jump around as desired. My bathtub, my ducky.

My caveat is that I am not bashing you if you choose to give up a specific thing for Lent, that is between you and the Lord. But I would hope that if that is something you choose to do, you are taking time to think about your motives, and what you hope to gain from that experience. If it is for God’s glory, then you go on with your bad self

 

 

1. Admit I was wrong, and apologize to someone I have hurt.
2. Make a gift for someone I appreciate.
3. Donate blood.
4. Remind my husband how much I love him.
5. Spend the whole evening playing with my son.
6. Write a letter to someone who has made a difference in my life.
7. Pick up trash.
8. Be a friend who listens.
9. Bring someone a souvenir.
10. Thank my parents.
11. Be generous with my compliments.
12. Bake for my co-workers.
13. Write a thank you note.
14. Play a game with my son.
15. Be grateful.
16. Paint a picture, and give it away.
17. Make kindness bookmarks.
18. Make a special desert for firefighters.
19. Go on an early morning hike with my son.
20. Plant a garden with my family.
21. Send a care package.
22. Call someone just to say “I love you”.
23. Reach out to someone I haven’t talked to in a while.
24. Babysit for free.
25. Write a letter to a child who could use some extra attention.
26. Let others go first all day long.
27. Ask someone “How are you really doing” and then genuinely listen.
28. Call or write a teacher who changed my life.
29. Have a mother/son camp out in the living room.
30. Let Little Anthony plan meals for the week.
31. Wash my husband’s car.
32. Write a friend and list all the reasons why you love them.
33. Send an anonymous positive note.
34. Say something nice to EVERYONE I see today.
35. Make cookies for my daughters day care providers.
36. Make a craft and thank you note for my son’s teacher.
37. Donate pet food to an animal shelter.
38. Encourage someone in a public setting.
39. Call the manager of my favorite local coffee shop and tell them how much I appreciate their employees.
40. Bring donuts and a thank you note for nurses in labor and delivery. (Do this on Leilah’s first birthday) 

 

“The Competition”

I really love this song. Its called The Competition, by Kimya Dawson.
Its nice when you can find a song that just fits.

I never wanted to be better than my friends
I just wanted to prove wrong the people in my head
the ones who told me I’d be better of dead
the ones who told me that I would never win

when I delivered newspapers they said I was too slow
when I was a barista they said I made lousy foam
when I worked in retail they said I was a slob
much too dumb for school and much too lazy for a job

so I rode my bike like lightning
and I made cappuccinos that would make the angels sing
took two showers a day and I dressed up like a princess
shook my fist in my own face and said I’ll show you who’s the best

I wrote the kinds of papers teachers hang up on their walls
I was employee of the month at seven different shopping malls
and one time playing football I pulled the tendons in my leg
to prove that I was tough I hopped on one foot
and finished up the game

I thought if I succeeded I’d be happy and they’d go away
but first thing in the morning I’d still wake up and I’d hear them say
“you’re fat, ugly, and stupid, you should really be ashamed
no one will ever like you you’re not good at anything”

and sometimes I’d rise to the challenge
but other times I’d feel so bad that I could not get out of bed
and on the days I stayed in bed I sang and sang and sang
about how crappy I felt no realizing how many other people would relate

now people send me emails that say thanks for saying the things they didn’t know how to say
and the people in my head still visit me sometimes
and they bring all of their friends but I don’t mind
I play my guitar like lightning
when I sing I like it when you sing too loud and clear
different voices different tones all sayin’ “yeah, we’re not alone”
I got good at feeling bad and that’s why I’m still here
I got good at feeling bad and that’s why I’m still here
I got good at feeling bad and that’s why I’m still here

The Ugly Yellow Pillow

As I feel the holiday season approaching, I can also feel the sadness that accompanies it approaching also. It seems like no matter how much my life has changed, how great my immediate family is now, how peaceful my home is, or how satisfied I feel with my ministry, I have a hard time shaking the holiday blues. The memories of trick-or-treating alone because my mom was too pre-occupied with her vices to go with me, or Thanksgiving being spent at the soup kitchen, or the Christmas mornings I had to look for my mom on the street after she had wondered off intoxicated still find a way to put a damper on the last few months of the year.

But because I know this is a struggle,I try to be proactive in beating it before it beats me. And no surprise, my son is one of the chief agents in this healing effort.

I have this pillow. It’s an ugly yellow crochet pillow that my birth mother made for me when I was a little girl, probably 7 or 8. It is the only thing other than a few pictures that I have from my childhood. I hate this pillow, but I feel like I need to keep something. I guess I think the only worse thing than having this pillow I hate is have nothing at all.

My son found this pillow, and he loves it. Every time I try to hide it, he finds it. Sometimes behind the couch, sometimes in the linen closet. But he will find this pillow and he uses it when he is cuddling on the couch watching tv. He asked me the other day where we got this pillow.
After a short pause I told him my tummy mommy made it for me when I was about his age. He asked, “Did she make it before or after she got sick?” I told him a while ago that the reason my tummy mommy couldn’t take care of me was because she made some bad choices and got very sick. So when he asked this question I said, “She made it after she was already sick.” He said “Ohh mommy, then this is a very special pillow. I like it even more than I did before.” It took all I had to hold it together.

Since then I’ve started to crochet him a new pillow, kind of in hopes that he will use the new one more than my old one. He saw me crocheting one day and asked what I was making. When I told him I was making him a cuddly couch pillow he said, “Oh cool! Now I can have two extra special pillows!”

This made me think that a reason that I am the mother I am is because of the mother I had. If you know me, then you know I am an advocate for not allowing your past to dictate your future. My son has the life he has, the holidays are special for him, because I know what it’s like to be on the other end of that spectrum. In a way all of this makes me feel empowered. I go to bed most nights knowing that I did my very best with the day, with my responsibilities, and with the way I parented my children.

I have started to think that it is less about removing every aspect of the life little Lisa had, and more about remembering that I can take what I learned then, the good things that did happen, and couple them with what I know now and the woman that I have become.
It’s not about throwing away that ugly yellow pillow. It’s laying it next to the new one, and seeing them both for what they are.

Leilah Update

This is Leilah at the Doctor this morning.

Our baby Leilah is on the way to feeling better!
Tomorrow she will be 3 weeks old, and man has it been an eventful few weeks. When she was just a few days old she had to be re-admitted to the hospital for 2 days due to Jaundice. She was in the bili box and IV’ed until her biliruben was normalized.
Then just over a week later I took her to the ER late one night because of some irregularities with her breathing. They had to deep suction her and clear out all the junk and diagnosed her bronchiolitis. 2 days later when I took her to the pediatrician to follow up she had also developed a double ear infection. The doctor was super concerned with a 2 week old baby having all this stuff going on, and wanted to keep a close eye on her to make sure that all this didn’t turn into RSV.
So to take care of the ear infections we went to the doctor 3 days in a row for intramuscular antibiotic treatments, and started her on some nebulizer breathing treatments for the bronchiolitis. Today the doctor was happy with how her ear infections were clearing up, and her lungs sounded more clear, so Praise God for that!
Little Ant loves being a big brother and is very concerned for Leilah and how she is doing. Whenever she makes any sound he lets me know that she needs us, and she needs us right now. Hopefully soon he will understand that babies just make noise and cry and they are okay.
Anthony and I are doing pretty good, working out our new life as parents of a newborn and a big kid and things are getting better and better.
The first week I was a hot mess. Nursing is one of the most difficult things a mom can do. We tried… more than tried; I feel like I did everything I could to make it work. But with her getting sick and all the stress my body wouldn’t produce enough for her. And no matter what I did to increase the supply I just kept producing less and less. So at this point the milk is gone and she is formula fed. I am still trying to tell myself that this doesn’t make me a horrible parent… I am hoping I believe that soon.

I know we have a lot of people who love and pray for our little girl, so I wanted to give a heads up on what was going on. She isn’t totally out of the woods yet, and we still have to keep her away from lots of people. If you were hoping to see her this weekend at the social service conference, you will have to wait until next time to visit.  As soon as she is better, we would love to see you!
Thanks for your thoughts and prayers, we appreciate it!